Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Treat Your Customers Like Fools - Land of Delusion

This morning, as I was driving to work listening to news radio station WTOP, I nearly spilled my Diet Coke listening to a segment on bullying.  WTOP had a call in segment asking listeners to share their experiences with bullies at work.  One woman called in to complain that her former supervisor had bullied her by telling her current supervisor that she had a bad attitude and didn't know how to perform her job after more than twenty years.  Her former supervisor was “former” because the supervisor had been promoted.  I have an alternative theory of the universe for this woman.  Maybe she has a bad attitude and still sucks at her job after twenty years.

The definition of bullying has morphed.  You have now been bullied whenever anyone tells you something you don't want to hear.  This stupidity was predictable given the media frenzy over the subject.  When they run out of real stories about a topic, they have to generate some.  As readers of this blog have long known, I am in favor of more bullying not less.  Do you really feel great about living in a country where the woman, who called in to WTOP, feels free to express her idiot opinion?  A good slap up side her head would be a good thing and probably stimulate the economy as well if it made her and others like her a little more productive.  This could be my presidential campaign platform.  Let's bitch slap the economy back to prosperity.

This past week I toured universities founded by Tommie Jefferson (University of Virginia) and Jimmie Madison (James Madison University).  Our founding fathers extensively debated the eventual outcome of a democracy in the hands of fools.  They didn't frame the discussion quite as I have but the debate is the same nonetheless.  Think about that when you pull the voting lever in Fall 2012.  Or better yet, write in my name.  Nixon had an enemies list.  I'll have a fools list.  I promise you won't be on it if you vote for me.  Now getting to this week's topic.....

This past week I was touring Virginia colleges with my twin sixteen year olds.  Every tour has the same basic format.  First, you sit through a presentation with the admissions department, and then you go on a brief campus tour with a student.  Our first stop was the University of Virginia.  UVA is one of the top academic schools in the country, right up there with the Ivy League and Stanford.

I expected some talk about the competitiveness of the admissions process there.  However, I didn't expect the admissions office representative to have the following attitude, “I don't know why I am bothering with all of you.  You probably won't get accepted anyway.”

At the other three stops on our tour, the admissions representatives gave sales presentations on why we should all want our children to attend their institutions.  The UVA presenter tried to discourage applications.  You might believe this is because UVA is a bit of a snooty school, which it is.  But, I don't believe that explains the tone of the presenter.  I believe that the presenter's boss's boss would have been appalled.

Despite the low percentage of prospective student applications accepted, UVA has a vested interest in getting as many applications as possible.  The lower the acceptance rate, the higher the perceived value of a UVA education.  So why the rotten attitude of the presenter?  She reads applications.  The more she gets, the more work she has to do.  She doesn't get paid by the application.

My point is that our employees don't always want what we want as business owners.  We tell prospective customers we want more business.  Many times our employees subtlety or not so subtlety give prospective customers an entirely different message.  What good was the ten thousand dollars you spent on advertising if your employees tell people they are too busy to serve them?  Here is another example from my favorite industry, car dealers.

As many of you know, I bought a Kia Sorento almost two years ago.  I bought it, because after my trade -in, I spent less than $30K on a loaded car.  Yes, I am a cheap-ass accountant.  Almost every week, I get a direct mail piece from the dealer telling me how much they want my service business.  As cheap as I am when I buy a car, I am the opposite when it comes to service.  I don't tolerate car trouble.  If my car doesn't start, I'm pissed.  Of course, I don't know what to do if it doesn't start, but I am pissed.  Consequently, I tend to get my car serviced by the dealer even if it costs a bit more.  Actually, it costs a lot more.

Previous to my Kia purchase, I owned a Ford Explorer that I purchased at Ted Britt Ford in Chantilly.  Over the six years I owned it, I always had it serviced by Ted Britt Ford.  They had a ten dollar loaner car program.  If you purchased your car from them, you could get a loaner car for ten dollars per day.  I could drop my Explorer off at 7 AM, pick up a loaner, and be at work by my normal 7:30 AM.  I paid more for service, but it was more than worth it.  They minimized the disruption of my life caused by the need to service my car.

My Kia dealer, Dulles Kia, is now imploring me through their mail pieces to use their service department, but that isn't the message being delivered by the employees in the service department.  When I call them to schedule an appointment, they always tell me they can't see me for a week.  When I drop off the car, the service department employees are surly, tell customers what they can't do to help them, and just generally seemed more concerned about quitting time than getting customer cars fixed.

The owner of the company is spending tens of thousands of dollars in advertising to spread a message his employees are undermining, either intentionally or unintentionally.  Be careful telling potential customers you want more business when you haven't already delivered that message to your employees.  Otherwise don't waste your money on marketing.  Effective marketing just makes a bad product or service fail more quickly.

Redskins training camp starts this week.  Welcome to the RGIII era.  I feel for him.  The hopes of an entire generation of Skins fans rides on a rookie quarterback's shoulders.  I wonder if RGIII has had a good bowel movement today.  I just need to know his every move.  What brand of toilet paper does he use?  It could matter.  If he scratches his butt with the rough, single ply stuff, he might not be able to evade fast defensive ends.  Oh the agony of not knowing.

A record of eight and eight would be a major accomplishment this year.  How about a little patience please.  Unlike the rest of the DC area news media, I promise not to write about RGIII 24 by 7.

Thanks for reading.  As always, please visit our main S&K web site at www.skcpas.com for real tax and accounting advice. 


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