Here are some phrases guaranteed to help you win friends and influence people in 2013, with my apologies to Dale Carnegie for ripping him off. He shouldn't care much. He's dead. So my relationship with him will remain intact. I do like his deli sandwiches.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but..."
"I just thought you should know..."
"I probably shouldn't tell you this, but..."
"You aren't going to like this, but ..."
What happens to your blood pressure when you hear one of these phrases? These phrases all include the unspoken "Don't blame me." attitude of those who don't really have your interests at heart. Competent business owners don't use these phrases with customers, employees, or family members for that matter. These phrases guarantee and deliver unnecessary drama.
I have written posts about why you should shoot the messengers, who regularly deliver bad news. These minions of glad tidings use the phrases above. That's how you know they aren't on your side, and how you know they likely create a substantial portion of their urgently delivered misery.
My objective isn't to teach you to lead them a little more and allow for the wind before you pull the trigger on your soon to be outlawed assault rifle. My objective is to keep you from getting shot or from standing next to someone about to get shot. Step one, don't use the above phrases. Step two, wear a bullet proof vest...
Nike is correct. When you have bad news to deliver, just do it. Avoid all the weasel words. When the boat is sinking, no one has time for elegant prose and witty turns of phrase.
One great way to avoid crossfire when you deliver bad news is to deliver a bonus gift, a solution or path to mitigate the effects of the news. When the boat is sinking, the sooner the bailing starts and the more hands involved the better. In a sinking boat, no one shoots the guys doing the bailing. They shoot the vermin scampering into the life rafts.
Poorly worded commands also kill relationships for business owners. Do you ever use the following approach when you want something done?
"Do you mind getting me the financial results for last month?"
Don't ask a question when you don't care about the answer. You don't really care if she minds, do you? You just want the damn financial results. The following is better and reinforces that you are the boss, not some poor supplicant asking the headmaster for a little more porridge.
"Please get me the financial results for last month."
I was a major offender in asking questions instead of issuing orders. Then one day I realized that I'm not a nice person. My ex-wife would regularly ask our kids if they minded doing their chores. Surprise, surprise, sometimes they did mind. Maintaining good relationships requires clearly defining the terms of those relationships. You are in charge. Act that way.
This Sunday the Redskins play the Dallas Cowboys in a game that will determine a spot in the NFL playoffs. The Cowboys are misnamed. They should be called the Dallas Narcissists. Their star receiver, Dez Bryant, epitomizes the team's attitude and approach. Bryant will give you a fine performance on Sunday, if he has nothing better to do, like partying. The Cowboys so trust Bryant that they hired a full time babysitter to keep him out of the strip joints and bars.
Their owner, Jerry Jones, is no better. The biggest danger Bryant faced leaving strip joints was running into Jones entering the parking lot. A book a few years ago told the story of Jones competing for the affections of strippers with players like Michael Irvin.
Sunday's game is a morality play, if ever a football game could be one. You can root for RGIII, a man who graduated from college in three years and eats humility for breakfast each morning. Or you can root for Dez Bryant, king of the narcissists. Do the right thing.
As always for real tax and accounting advice, please visit the main S&K web site at www.skcpas.com. Also, please like the "How to Screw Up Your Small Business" Facebook page. I post daily stories of small business misery as well as the occasional business tip.
Until next time, let's do it to them before they do it to us.
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