Wednesday, 9 January 2013

How to Screw Up Your Divorce


This evening on the way home from work I remembered a funny story about an employee, who worked for us ten years ago.  She refused to sign a receipt stating that we had provided her with a copy of our company manual.  She was upset, because the manual banned sun dresses.  Of course, Paul and I had no idea exactly what a sun dress was.  So we made an exception for her.

Then she wore one to the office, and we understood why the author of the employee manual we purchased banned them.  She looked like an elephant dancing in a circus parade.  It wasn't a sun dress.  It was a total solar eclipse dress.  No, I am not an attractive guy, but I know my fashion limits.

Step one for business owners going through a divorce is get an attorney.  No, you should not share one with your soon to be ex to save on attorney's fees.  An attorney is only allowed to represent one of you.  If she represents your ex, she isn't representing you, and your interests will suffer.

Step two - find someone in whom you can confide your feelings.  This should not be your CPA or attorney.  You don't want your professionals making decisions based on your emotions.  You want sound business judgment from them.  When I'm meeting with a business owner going through a divorce, I don't even hear, "The bitch sucks" comments.  I'm focusing on the tax and business issues.  Consider therapy if you don't have a close friend with no connections to your ex.  Or call Dr. Phil.

Step three - get busy with life and your business.  During my divorce, I almost went to therapy.  Then I got busy and started dating.  Dating reminds you that you are worthwhile as a person, or at least that most people are a lot more screwed up than you are.

On one date, a woman told me, and five thousand of our closest friends at a minor league baseball game, that her ex-husband was a drug using wife beater.  That was scintillating first date conversation.  A couple innings into the game, a toddler ran up behind me and gave me a big hug.  He was telling me, "I'm with you brother."  After a few dates like this, I really needed the therapy.

Get busy with your business.  Your personal life is undergoing major changes.  This is a good time to take a close look at your business with fresh eyes. The more time you spend on productive activities, the less time you'll spend hating that spiteful, alcoholic, drug using, child molesting, lavish spending ex.  Did I miss any adjectives?

Finally, understand that you win in a divorce if you end up with a healthy business and a healthy mind.

Let's put the Redskins season to rest with two observations.  First, the offensive line can't protect RGIII in the pocket.  He runs for his life every time he drops back to pass.  That is why they run naked bootleg and short drops from the pistol formation.  The line just isn't good enough.  They have one legitimate NFL starter, Trent Williams.

They can't really run block either, but they don't have to with stretch plays.  Either RGIII or Alfred Morris looks for lanes vacated by defensive lineman on the move.  Then they cut back against the grain.  Next year, watch how many times the offensive linemen are standing at the end of a running play.  That isn't blocking.  It's spectating.  You should have to buy a ticket to do that.

Second, the defense just doesn't work.  Yes, I know they had some injuries.  Yes, I know their points per game looked good the last few games of the year.  But consider this, if you lose a game three to nothing, because your opponent had the ball the entire game, how good was the defense really?  The job of the defense is to get the ball back for the offense, and not inside their own ten yard line.  If RGIII is on the bench or starts deep in Redskins territory, the offense can't score.  Points against is an overrated statistic applied to defenses.  Last year the Patriots made the Super Bowl with a horrible points against defense.  But their yards against was better than the Redskins and a lot of other teams.

Thanks for reading.  Check out the "How to Screw Up Your Small Business" Facebook page.  I post business tips and what not to do daily.  Also, check out our main S&K web site at www.skcpas.com.  Until next time, let's do it to them before they do it to us.

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